Another perspective on age gap relationships.

I watched Amala Ekpunobi’s latest video, this time on the age gap relationship between Hollywood actor Tobey Maguire and girlfriend Lily Chee. I like Amala and agree with much of her commentary. She’s a sensible centrist and a fairly conservative voice that appeals to some modern audiences.

With regard to the topic of her video, that is age gap relationships, I think Hollywood relationships are quite different to ones between ordinary people. Although in general there is the concern that despite there being two consenting adults in a relationship, the younger one may still be quite naive and vulnerable.

With regard to Tobey and Lily, there is nearly thirty years between them. (Amala’s video says he’s 50 but some outlets say he’s 49; small difference but worth noting).

I want to say that Lily knows what she’s doing and has made the choice to date an older and perhaps powerful man with connections. In return Tobey may get the chance to have more children and this time with Lily. A younger woman provides an exuberance, not solely in her appearance, that can be attractive to men.

I’m in an age gap relationship myself and my husband and I have something that works well. Our relationship is strong and based on love, which is what we share in common with any long lasting couple.

Having said all this, if my daughter bought home an older boyfriend, say as an adult in her twenties, I would probably feel some reticence. It depends on how old the boyfriend is but I wouldn’t ignore any instinctual reaction.

However, commentary on age gap relationships does focus on the superficial. Even in relationships between non famous people, the older one is judged for being a walking wallet and for being immature in choosing a younger partner. The younger one is seen as greedy (for money) but also naive. What people don’t talk about is the deeper stuff an older partner can contribute to a relationship, which is wisdom. I didn’t choose my husband based on his age and was worried about the judgement we would receive but we offer each other something that money can’t buy.

So, I think I have a slightly different perspective on age gap relationships compared to those outside. I know Amala’s video focused on a Hollywood age gap relationship but there is a possibility that Lily and Tobey’s relationship isn’t based on just the superficial stereotype.

Judgements serve a purpose but it is also helpful to look deeper and consider all factors, not just superficial appearances.