Don’t fret if your husband doesn’t stand up for you.
Sleeping Beauty; Prince Phillip confronts the dragon.
I read a post recently about a woman who felt she was being derided by her husband’s friend. Her husband, she said, couldn’t bring himself to engage in a sparring with his friend, at least not all the time. So, the poster had to learn how to stand up to this man that seemed to target her.
As someone who can relate to being self deprecating, as a form of humour rather than insecurity, I understood that the person targeting her had crossed the all important boundary. That it’s OK if you laugh at yourself but another person has to be incredibly close in order to engage in any playful form of verbal derision. Otherwise, “banter,” feels like bullying.
A few other posters asked why the husband wasn’t being more proactive. As if we live in past centuries where a good woman’s honour is defended by men fighting with each other. Surely, we can and must fight for ourselves.
It’s absolutely great when someone does defend you; it is validating. However, they may not have the know how to do so and they may not wish to feel like they’re disempowering you. People are complex and after all you married a dimensional person. Not a tool whose purpose is to be useful to you.
There will be friend or family situations that you have to learn to navigate in your own way. It’s the hard stuff that leads to the greatest maturity. We ought to be thankful for having that chance to live life in this way.
So, if you feel like your husband doesn’t have your back in this sense, it maybe because he trusts you enough to know you have your own. If he doesn’t, then that is a separate issue and not one that should add to stress.
As philosophers and psychologists say, expose yourself to malevolence because therein lies the difficulties that greatly benefit your resilience and wisdom.