Humans not monsters.

I am not immune to making a blunt statement myself as I don’t have time to pontificate over each and every word I use. Having said that, I attempted to correct someone who described the grooming gangs perpetrators as animals. I said no, they are human and such must face full consequences for what they have done. I don’t know how much they have been brainwashed to believe in doing something so heinous that goes against the basic principle of right versus wrong but they are of human intelligence, albeit low intelligence one could say. They may well have done what they did for very human reasons like ingratiating themselves to elders, as bizarre as that sounds. Who knows how some human minds work.

Ed Dutton (The Jolly Heretic) was talking about women with borderline personality disorder and telling his audience to look out for signs regarding a “BPD female.” At the end of the day, as he may say himself, this is a human being, not a cartoon, stereotype or monster. She or even he (if the male has BPD- though perhaps less likely according to my understanding that it is linked to higher neuroticism in women) will display signs of the disorder but one sign doesn’t automatically mean they have BPD.

I wonder if my mum had a narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. She fit the criteria for the first one which is why I labelled her as such, after decades of wondering what was wrong. There was something she would say about other women that fit what Ed describes in “BPD women.”

I am not saying all women who state they prefer the company of men because “it is less drama” have BPD but the ones who themselves are the drama but call out other women tend to have something that may fit into the category of having BPD. Or even a narcissistic personality disorder like my mum but as I say I am still looking into this field.

My mum plus also women who Ed talks about with BPD signal their superiority. Underneath they are very insecure. Secure peope haven’t a need to virtue signal and indicate superiority (except as perhaps boastful banter amongst friends). Ed says BPD women do this and state they prefer the company of men whilst listing all the flaws of other women (of which they are not a part of because they’re allegedly special) because they are not interested in female friendships. Their purpose in life is to go after the men.

It might be that this is too much of an easy conclusion to make but I do put some stock on this sort evolutionary psychology in terms of finding explanations. I have seen an intensity in some women like my mum, who would frequently poo poo other women more so than men.

Intense people like my mum (and another woman I knew briefly) are good at reeling people in and making them feel like they are the only person in the room. They are also dimensional human beings who have positive traits like being generous in nature. Where the problem lies is how they then weaponise the traits afterwards. It is not that they are some monstrous individual that can turn people away but people walk away or keep distance because the bad traits outweigh the good. It becomes exhausting to spend time with them or be expecting that text from them.

As efficient as they are in attracting people they can also dump or ghost them if that person is no longer of use to them. They tend to form very firm narratives about a topic one minute then the next day they’ve abandoned it. They will argue with you, speaking past you as you are saying the same as them because they are absorbed only in their view points. Principles are less with these people but emotional tribalism is higher. Ed is right in that they can often flip from one position like being a radical feminist one minute to being the most traditional conservative (performed in front of everyone) the next. Now my mum wasn’t so much a performer in the obvious sense though she dressed well and would mock anyone who dressed in plain clothing. Rather, with her, I think her performance lay in art of conversation and humour at the expense of people, that did reel some in.

For decades I thought if I learn how my mum is I can cope with her but her bad outweighed the good. After the shame and pain that came with the estrangement, made after decades of deliberating, I finally feel beter from having the distance. She like some “BPD women” would say weirdly intense things..a thing this other woman said to me that stuck in my mind ..she would say “I had a dream about you.” Now, as dreams are weird I blew it off but it isn’t something I would say to someone. Like, I would read the room! With my mum one minute I was her favourite, then the next she decided not to like me. She like this other woman that I mentioned have displayed high empathy (crying over certain news reports) perhaps because they are high in emotion and they can also be very flippant and strangely non empathic towards people at times.

Sometimes, I wonder about women in the public eye who seem to fit the bill with regard to Ed’s commentary but then I think of that as speculation. I would much rather apply what he says to personal examples. He tells his audience to run When they see a BPD woman! I still don’t know too much about the topic. One thing I do know is they need to be fleshed out and humanised more because I think that rather than turning people with psychological disorders into a cartoon, a better way is to understand them as people with good and bad traits. Of course in his own way Ed does this but for the ease of explanation has to generalise also.

Anyway, I like his commentary from time to time but the best accounts I have read regarding people who were around those with psychological disorders are nuanced and talk about the good and bad.

Thanks for reading. I thought I would write this article as a means to process my thoughts on the matter even though I am aware I churn out frequent articles, sometimes numerous a day. It is my way of understanding certain topics. This will be my last today.

https://youtu.be/sJ8AzTzdooY?si=BX7I8TzaZDE6OJtZ