One culture.

The historic Bolton Abbey, which I visited last year, that renewed my fascination with Henry VIII. This is part of British culture.

All along the goal should have been for immigrants to follow the culture of their host country. Amongst my generation and my parent’s generation, we celebrated Indian and Hindu traditions at home but wanted to be as British as possible outside. This was so important to my parents when they moved to England with me, aged 1. They came to Britain for a better life and my mum liked what she had heard from her uncle. Their plan was to benefit from and also contribute to Britain. So, assimilating was important to them and I feel very much aligned with British culture. I love Britain.

This echoes what Arnold Schwarzenegger said on The View, in his case about America. I don’t watch that show but do occasionally catch glimpses of the hosts’ crazy liberalism being lampooned. Arnold likened the immigrant’s experience to being a guest in someone’s house. As a guest, you don’t abuse the host and mess up their home. In fact, you should strive to exercise politeness and show respect. This is how my parents felt and I was raised to be a polite, respectful and quiet person. I could engage in any sort of small talk with my parent’s colleagues from work and as a child would make them cups of tea when they visited. Ours was a dignified existence and I continue to maintain that.

Civility is key and I employ it, for better or worse when someone is rude to me also. Not all the time as sometimes I lose my patience but even when I receive a hostile glare from a very militant muslim lady who makes it clear I offend her, or from a young Pakistani looking man (today) who keeps staring and frowning, I still maintain a civilised approach. I look ahead and ignore their resentment as I don’t want to engage with that. I think today’s generation regard my mentality as weakness. It goes against theirs of being loud, proud and ready to engage in battle with anyone they meet. Even just moving to one side of the pavement to give way to others is seen as weakness. However, my old habits die hard.

My plan is to keep waving the flag of Britain, literally and metaphorically speaking. This also means keeping up the habits I was taught in Britain, as a girl. I’ve fond memories of visiting places steeped in British history and enjoying the romance of my surroundings. That wonder and hope is the antidote to resentment. When I engage in resentment, I become hard and bitter but when I keep my sight set on romanticism and the hope that I had as a child, I am soft and not weak but receptive to all that is good around me. Just going on the daily dog walk and losing myself in the lush, green countryside is enough for me until the next school holidays.

As I listened to ex RAF pilot, Tim Davies, talk to Andrew Gold about being able to fight for your country and uphold its values, I heard that he also applied this to immigrants. This then becomes a unifying cause where the immigrant and the English native (for want of a better term) can bond, provided both are ready to do so. There will always be some people who don’t want to talk to you despite the years you’ve known each other and look away when you speak. This maybe for a variety of reasons but I’ve interacted with many people where we talk about all sorts, from dogs, to trips out, food, local and sometimes broader news and with other women, clothes and our children. It’s why I still hover around sites like mumsnet, though I disagree with much of their socialist politics.

I don’t mind a bit of small talk and I love deeper conversation. All positive interactions are good in my opinion. I don’t think I would be writing on substack if I didn’t have some will to mix with people. So, there is much that unites us all and yes, sometimes some people more than others. My husband has his little group where he goes out for a drink one night and then a bike ride with them later that week. They are old school friends and have all been good for each other. For me, I get a lot out of interacting with my readers over on the substack website, via the comments and leaving comments on their posts. I have always been like this, striking up conversations with people in my own way. We don’t all want to be right in the centre of community, the life and soul of the party, some of us are introverted but not this lost cause we get depicted as.

Life is hard. Instead, of thinking why me? We can choose a better alternative. I think keeping my eyes straight ahead both literally and metaphorically has its benefits. If in any way I contribute to the return of celebrating Britain then that’s good enough. In addition to raising my daughter and being a good wife to my husband, this is something else that I will be happy with in my life. To look ahead with a plan and goal that unites more than divides us, is obviously the better option. Can it be achieved? I hope so and that hope will guide me into action.

Thanks for reading a rather contemplative post. Some links below.