“Pretty privilege.”

Jennifer Connelly in Mullholland Falls.

I’ve found the conversation between Konstantin and Steven below, to be illuminating in numerous ways. Something I adamantly agree with, is the concept of dealing with the cards you’ve been given. This also means accepting your appearance.

I’ve heard the term pretty privilege used a lot but have fought against the notion of disempowering oneself when not meeting certain stereotypes. Konstantin says he’s 5ft 9, so by western standards he’s considered short and Steven talked about grants being offered to people based on their ethnicity. Like both men, I choose not to bemoan my lack of height and my ethnicity. Instead, I choose acceptance.

When I was growing up, my family actually talked to me about changing my name. “Pallavi” could put people off, they said. I discovered that it didn’t. Instead, my name has been an ice breaker and I’m proud of its origins. It means “new leaf” in Indian. Some people have found my name weird (because they’re weird) but to my knowledge, it’s never put off an employer. In fact, the main reason I haven’t got a job is because they’ve already chosen a candidate.

These days, it’s different and I probably would be hired to fit a diversity quota, so the “weirder” the name, the better. However, my family said such a silly, disempowering thing. My name, chosen by a Hindu priest as per tradition, has a significance and history. Even if I did lose out on a job because of my name, I don’t think that’s enough to alter that significant part of my identity.

Steven and Konstantin talk about accepting one’s identity. I too am realistic. I’m fine with my name but of course I’d love to be taller and slimmer. That’s partly why I watch movies, because I want to see people prettier than me! However, instead of wishing I looked like Jennifer Connelly, for example, and thinking my life would then be better, I choose to make a life with what I have already.

We have laws that fight against  discrimination and in terms of romantic prospects, some of us fare better than others. That’s not discrimination per se, just nature which compared to animals, we humans have it much easier. So, pretty privilege can’t really bother a person who is content with who they are and what that means for them. We can fantasise all we want, as long as it doesn’t interfere with reality because when it does, that is one of most troubling things in the long term.

It’s seen as non empathetic to say this but we have to develop a thicker skin when it comes to dealing with all forms of social interaction. I’ve had certain things about my appearance pointed out to me but instead of investing money and time into making myself into a Barbie doll, I’ve chosen to just deal with it. I don’t get social anxiety over comments about my appearance actually, that’s more to do with deeper issues (as I’ve covered in a previous post). My point is that even the most beautiful people like once again, Jennifer Connelly, will have heard all manner of comments and as an actress faced brutal rejection based on her appearance. What has triumphed the most, is not the physical but what is inside; her spirit. We have to all work on that.

https://youtu.be/GbV6iW26h-Q?si=LRRGmiU_agv04hqi